One of the worst parts of my job are the endless meetings I have to go to. Sometimes, we even have a meeting to plan a meeting. Those are the worst. I really hate meetings, and I’ll do just about anything to get out of them.

calendarLuckily, I have a boss that truly understands my disdain for meetings and really allows me to express myself in that area. Finally, I feel like I have a boss that gets me.

Me: Do we really need to have a whole meeting about the handbook? I gave you an update on that a couple weeks ago before I went on vacation.

Boss: We need to get that handbook done ASAP, where are you on that.

Me: Like I said, I’m done with it except one part, the Student Conduct policy. Once I get that, I can just pop it in and it’s done.

Boss: So, why isn’t it done yet?

Me: Because I wasn’t the one writing it, I don’t know, I just work here…

Boss: (short pause, silence, then a gasp) Shit! I’m the one who was writing that huh?

Me: Is there really any way I can answer that question without pissing you the fuck off?

Boss: Oh shut up! God damn you can be a smart ass, but your’e timing is impeccable.

Me: You know, I really enjoy our banter and working relationship. It reminds me of home.

Boss: I’ll have the policy to you by the end of the week.

Another meeting averted!
excellent-mr-burns

 

Featured

This Summer has been chalk-full of travel complete with discoveries and observations. Some pithy and others not so much, but notable none the less.

Portland, OR
♦  I have awesome friends. I just wish they lived closer, and I could seem them way more often than I do.

♦  Don’t ever take mushrooms and then walk down a busy street. Get to your location where you plane to settle for your trip and then take them. Tripping balls in a busy public space; no matter how inconspicuous you think you’re being, I guarantee that you’re not. Chain smoking cigarettes while bug-eyed continuously exclaiming: I just need to get to the forest while laughing uncontrollably, and going into “ninja mode” when an ambulance throws on their siren as they speed by is a sure giveaway that something is amiss.

♦  The hiking opportunities in the Portland area, and I’m sure the whole state of Oregon, are beyond awesome.

hike

New Orleans, LA
♦  The live music is amazing.

♦  Frenchman Street is a way more happening hangout than Bourbon Street.

Frenchman

♦  Sometimes, a hug is just a hug, and giving one to someone who needs it is a great way to brighten your and someone else’s day.

♦  The shot girls on Bourbon Street are grabby and taking a Christian married man to a bar with said shot girls is not the best idea.

shots

♦  Plan on getting wasted. No matter how much I told myself I was going to remain sober or turn in early, the fact remains that I was out until 3 in the morning and drunk every night while I was there. Every. Single. Night.

oldbar

Clarkston, WA (Family Reunion)
♦  Road trips that last longer than 12 hours are never a good thing. NEVER.

♦  Sometimes, the best companions at family reunions is the doge. I spent most of my time out with the doge playing fetch and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Hemmy

♦  Nothing, and I mean nothing is more awkward than getting hit on and groped by your cousin. There was full-on junk grabbing involved; kind of takes the crying game to a whole new level. To be fair, she was the drunkest girl at the party. She’s always the drunkest girl at the party.

♦  Handle flirting cousins with care. If you reject them too harshly, they may announce to your whole family they know a secret about you and force you to come out.

♦  Being outted to your family, while awkward as fuck, may not necessarily be a bad thing. Some family members definitely have issues with it, but on the other hand, it has brought me closer than ever with others. Those that I grew up with, but have lost touch with over the years.

♦  Clarkston/Lewiston, while a beautiful little pocket of Hells Canyon, is hot as fuck in July. There were several fires in the area and running through the smoky haze was probably not the best idea I’ve had.

Clarkston

 New York City, New York
♦  Times Square is a hot sticky mess.

TimeSquareF

♦  Wear proper clothing in the Summer, especially for the Subway tunnels. Otherwise, YOU’LL end up a hot sticky mess…

Sticky

♦  Everyone always says not to wander off on your own in the city, but exploring the city on my own during safe daylight hours is both rewarding and whimsical.

Flatirin

♦  The Ground Zero memorial is incredibly sobering and moving. Be prepared to feel the feels just by visiting the site.

911

♦  Idina Menzel is absolutely delightful. James Snyder is dreamy.

Idina      Dreamy

♦  People will flirt with you and call you sexy to get what they want. It’s so very flattering at first, but ultimately crushing to the ego when you realize they are using blandishment as a means to an end.

♦  Always, ALWAYS double check that you have set the alarm clock for the right time on your cell phone. Especially if you have an important presentation to give.

I took a small nap after lunch and almost missed my afternoon panel presentation. I was perplexed, because I could have sworn I had set my alarm to wake me up at 1:45. I woke up at 1:55 and barely made it.

At 2:45, amidst the presentation, I startlingly realized why my alarm did not wake me up. My alarm is set to play the song “Fancy”. There were many chuckles in the room, and my face was redder than it’s ever been. I may have done a little dance to try and play it off. There was a slow clap involved.

♦  When traveling to Ellis Island by ferry, they truly are trying to create the immigration experience. We never made it; the person I was traveling with got dehydrated, sick, and came to the brink of passing out. We had to be escorted out of the line after an hour wait.

♦  Although, obsolete, phone booths are still very prevalent in New York. They don’t work, but come in handy for those getting their marijuana edible treats organized to sell on the streets.

Phone

So, it’s been a pretty amazing Summer with its ups and downs, but one that I am sad to see come to an end. School starts in a couple of weeks, and I’m not nearly as prepared for it as I should be. However, one thing the start of the school year is sure to be a sign of; the end of my life and free time for a few months. As bitter as I sound, I do enjoy my job and am looking forward to the return of the students.

Image  —  Posted: July 31, 2014 in awesome, Hiking, Travel
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The Dance of the Shadows

Posted: July 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

platos_cave_b

-Bansky

As I sit surrounded by the soundscape of the season, I contemplate the very core of my being. I gaze at the reflection across from me and wonder: is it I or the image across from me that walks in the real and the concrete? Is it I who dances among the shadows or he? These are the fleeting thoughts that I entertain rather than focusing on the task at hand.

Contemplating on the musings of brilliance, I question my significance. Beings on an artificial plane of existence have created and enacted numerous revolutions and uprisings within the blink of an eye. Yet, here I sit trying to crack the formula of success and wonder what piece of myself am I sacrificing to fit the mold.

It is my hope that I dance among the great philosopher kings and not among the shadows. I want to break free from the shadows and live in a world of light. I want to basque in the serenity of  sincereism and the calm that comes with the absolution to do so.  I want to move with the natural soundtracks that this world’s landscapes have to offer.

A world where the known and the unknown merge into an orgy of knowledge and wisdom. This is where my weary mind takes its flight of fancy at this midnight hour. A journey with seemingly no end, a journey, which I am uncertain I desire to return from.

I am great in a crisis…

Posted: November 20, 2012 in humor, office humor
Tags: ,

At the beginning of the academic year, my office was moved into the counseling center. The Campus Counseling Center is within the department I work in, so I am fully aware of the situations that arise throughout the semester. The highs, the lows, and the times when things get a little cray for students (usually around mid-terms and finals).

Part of my job is helping students know what their rights and responsibilities are, guiding them through policies, procedures, grievance processes, and advocating for their needs. So, students often wander into my office with questions, concerns, and just to chat. One day, while our front desk worker was on their lunch break (who usually handles the walk-ins) a student wandered into my office, took a seat, and asked: “So, how does this work?”

I was a bit perplexed, and asked what his problem was assuming that it was a possible grievance issue. About two minutes in, I realized his problems were a bit more severe and out of my range of expertise.

I awkwardly threw my hands in the air: “Oh, I’m not…I don’t…I mean, I’m a great listener, but…Oh God!” I collected myself and explained, “What I’m trying to say is I am not a licensed counselor.”

I promptly set up an appointment with someone that was much more qualified to assist. This moment also prompted me to try and label my office a bit more clearer.

This also made me realize that I am on the front lines now. At any moment a crisis could walk through the doors of the counseling center, and I may be the only one around to handle it. Counselors gave me some advice and how to handle walk-ins that seemed distressed and in full freak-out mode. I kept telling myself that I am GREAT in a crisis.

Some time later, the front desk person had the day off. The door opened, and I poked my head out of my office to see how I could assist the student.

Student: I need to see E (counselor) right away!

Me: She’s with a client right now, but let’s take a look at when she’s available next. You need to see her right away you said?

Student: Yes, I called her earlier and she said to come right down.

The student was red in the face, seemed out of breath. This is distress…This is it; This is happening right now, I thought.  I am GREAT in a crisis! Let’s do this!

Me: (Pause with a look of concern right before blurting out) Are you suicidal?

Things took a turn, the student is now donning a very puzzled somewhat disgusted look.

Student: Um…no…I just need to drop off these scantrons. E said she needed them today, so I ran down as fast as I could, so she would have them in time.

Me: Oh…well uhhh, why don’t you just take a seat, and she should be done with her client in about ten minutes or so…Aaaaand I’ve made things very awkward now, so I’m just gonna go back into my office…I’m just…gonna go…

I promptly returned to my office, slumped in my chair, and gave myself a nice hearty face-palm.

I am GREAT in a crisis…or someday will be…this day was just not my moment to shine.

I have a pretty sweet job. One of the main things our department does on campus is plan and implement activities for the student body. As a result, I get to do a lot of pretty cool things. The latest project was renting out a theater for the premiere of…wait for it…the latest installment in the Twilight saga. Breaking Dawn Part II. There are a lot of perks that come with my jobby job. This isn’t one of them.

Keep in mind I haven’t seen any of the previous films nor have I read any of the books. The moment I learned that vampires sparkle in this series has spurned a barrage of mockery from me ever since. This was a vampire mythos I could not get on board with. Consequently, a co-worker of mine expressed she was cashing in on a favor that was long over-due for missing out on last year’s theater rental for the premiere of Breaking Dawn Part I. We agreed then, my payment would be to go to a movie of her choosing. Little did I know she would hold out a whole year let alone remember my little debt. I braced myself for the worst, but also told myself that it couldn’t all be bad. I had it on good authority that the majority of scenes showcased shirtless hunks and this installment contained a battle of epic proportions.

Below are my live-tweets as I embarked on this melodromatic and broody journey. Fair warning, there are tons of SPOILERS! I am sure my live-tweets have already caused tween rage and brought forth the wrath of angsty Twilight fanatics who were unable to make it to the premiere. Yeah, well bite me.

I’m gonna need this caffeine to get through this. God help me…

Live-Tweets during the viewing of Breaking Dawn Part II

  • I was just informed there are mind bubbles involved…OH MY…
  • Theater ad just instructed me to turn off my phone and abstain from using it during the film. Nope, not gonna do it!
  • Here we go. There are squeals throughout the theater & they haven’t even shown vamps and wolves without their shirts yet.
  • Cheesy groping within the first 5 seconds. Even with red eyes she’s still pretty expressionless.

  • Did he seriously just ask her to sniff him!?

  • The fact the baby was nicknamed Nessie gives me hope for this film
  • Am I the only one that finds vampy foreplay to be super awkward!?

  • And Jacob is stripping…STRIPPING!!! This movie just got momentarily better. And the theater is rejoicing and cheering. Even the dudes, although I suspect their cheers are meant to be ironic.
  • Aaaaand the moment has passed. Back to shit I don’t understand.
  • Oh the sparkles! I just can’t take the SPARKLES!
  • Edmund’s face or more specifically his overdone facial expressions freak my shiz out!
  • Heads r rollin, baby drooling blood, more sparkles, what appears to be brooding & ominous flashbacks. No idea what is happening right now.
  • I don’t understand why all these vamps have mutant powers…

  • Tyra Banks became an Amazon vamp, and she still smises like a boss!
  • Vamp vamp vamp of the jungle, watch out for that tree!!!
  • Dude! It’s Hans and Frans! These Romanian vamps are sassy!
  • Black smoke monster from Lost apparently became a vamp.
  • Mind bubbles!!! Vamp mutant training has begun.
  • Had to take a pee break and upon my return realized this theater is starting to get a little ripe…
  • I think an epic battle is about to take place. After a long lull of boredom, things have taken an interesting turn.
  • Did Edward & red coat dude with long flowing hair (brunette Fabio) just share an intimate moment as they held hand & mind melded?
  • FIGHT!!! ::cue Mortal Kombat theme music::
  • EPIC MINDBUBBLES!!! YUSSSSS!!!
  • I don’t understand what is going on with brunette Fabio’s fancy pants speech…
  • So many sneers!!!
  • FATALITY! Fatalities galore!!!

  • So many dead puppies! I may need to process…
  • Shit just got real…

Final Tweet:

I feel so utterly cheated right now and simultaneously nauseous…I DEFINITELY need to process now…UGH!

Needless to say, I was not amused with what transpired toward the conclusion and the ending was just gross. However, the experience of watching the film in a theater full of college students (many with whom our department work with) laughing at the absurd moments, cheering at decapitation and maulings, and the mystery science theater esque atmosphere made it well worth it. Will I run out and get the previous installments or the books? That’s an emphatic NO.

Do I regret going to the final installment of a series I have scoffed at and mocked since their inception? See previous answer above.

On my way to work this morning, an oldie but a goodie came up on the I-Pod. This one is laced with pretty classic punk rifts and power chords. Predictable, but at the same time, Amber Pacific still manages to put a smile on my place when it comes across my years. Perhaps, it is more based out of nostalgia, but I’m O.K. with that.

Snapshot Sunday-Karaoke

Posted: October 14, 2012 in Photography
Tags: , , ,

20121014-145645.jpg

 
20121014-145722.jpg
photos taken with IPhone 4S

Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste
As it keeps my heart and soul in its place
And I will love with urgency, but not with haste

 

It’s time for another Thursday Friday music post! I realize it’s a day late, but yesterday got a little cray for me at the jobby job. Besides, there’s some weeks I forget to post this entirely. So, without further haste (see what I did there), the song that came up on my I-pod on the drive to work this yesterday morning was this pleasant little tune from the new Mumford & Sons album. If you liked the first album, I definitely recommend picking up this second one. It’s super fetch. If you have yet to experience Mumford & Sons…I am fighting the urge to slap you, but will refrain and instead insist that you check them out! DO IT NOW!

 

One thing many don’t realize about me is that my life is very different from the life I lived years back. After high school, I tried College; it wasn’t for me, and I wasn’t ready for it yet. So, I gathered my savings, got in my car and just drove. I traveled from city to city working odd jobs here and there to keep me afloat and get me to my next destination. The life I live is very different from that life, and honestly I don’t think I could do it again. I have grown to love my worldly possessions, and don’t know that I could live a life without my toys. What I do miss is the simplicity of it all though. Literally living life one day at a time and only worrying about that day. A life with no roots and no permanence meant I could take people or leave em. I didn’t have to worry about bureaucracies or playing nice. If someone was disingenuous or just a douche-nozzle, I would simply move on and discontinue interaction with said douch-nozzle; easy enough. This also made it easier to strike up conversations with perfect strangers knowing I had the option of pushing them out of my reality if it turned out we didn’t mesh. It allowed me to truly get to know someone for better or worst before I passed judgement, knowing that I could just as easily purge someone from my life as it was to let them in. This is what life without roots and permanence allowed, and I met some of the most interesting people and characters during my travels. I miss this. While permanence has given me friendships and bonds that will last a lifetime (for which I am ever so grateful), I find myself going through the motions and playing the bureaucracy game, but more importantly a senstion that I am forced to adapt to those around me. I have this gnawing feeling I am slowly being assimilated (resistance is futile) into a drone, and I don’t like it. So, I want to strive to not lose myself in the assimilation process. Make it a point to not engage in petty self-serving stroking of egos. Make it a point to seek first to understand. Be mindful to not purge others and make them feel like Others simply because they are new or foreign to the social circle I showed up with. Engage in conversations with perfect strangers even if they may seem a little out there without being judgy. Not engage with others, including my own friends, when they encroach into the judgy zone or maybe just call them out on it. So, my life is very different now than it was then. But I can still strive to be that go-lucky quirky guy I became living on the road. I miss that guy. I miss the amazing stories you would hear from those that were seemingly ordinary or seemed so out there that the natural inclination was to not engage or stay away. You know, kind of like a dude who randomly shows up around town and goes bar hopping…in a panda suit.

My first encounter with the Panda brought glee in what was turning out to be a really shitty night. Some found a dancing panda showing up at the bar totally awesome.  Others rolled their eyes, assumed the dude behind the fuzzy suit was “weird”, a “freak”, or just “not right”. I thought it was delightful, but didn’t really engage in conversation beyond getting a quick photo snapped with him, after all, it was still a dude in a panda suit.  So, the second time I ran into Mr. Panda I had to ask about the back-story behind the suit. Turns out, he found out he was dying. So, naturally, he decides to buy a panda suit. Why? So, he can bring a smile to the faces of those he crosses paths with. So, he can just be goofy in a time of uncertainty and what could be full of morose  Yet, he chooses goofiness, so he can make others smile. One comment from his Facebook profile reads, “I’m a dying man just trying to make people happy before I go…I love making people smile. That’s all I want to do.” Now, maybe his story was just complete bullshit as many have pointed out to me, but I choose to believe in the good intentions behind it regardless of how accurate his story may or may not be. So, meeting a panda at the local dive bar = FTW! Taking the time to talk the Panda up and Hearing his back-story and what he’s gone through = BONUS! It really helped snap me back into focus. The realization that one doesn’t have to live a vagabond lifestyle to experience amazing encounters like this; one just has to be open to them.

Aside  —  Posted: October 9, 2012 in awesome, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

So, I took a pretty long hiatus from the bloggy blog. My last post got a little too serious, and I felt the need to step back a wee bit. It’s going to be hard not to engage in the political jabber jab with the elections coming up. I want to get back to the tongue-in-cheek and light-hearted posts of yesteryear.

So, naturally I thought, why not just start off with one of the staples. I had this little habit of posting a song on Thursdays. I thought this time around, I’ll post the song that randomly comes up on my I-Pod on my morning drive to work on Thursdays. This will be fun! This is a great way to kick-off the light-hearted posts that are sure to bring delight to your daily lives and maybe brighten your day. Remember folks, we can be rainbows and not pain-bows.

So, the song that comes up on my I-Pod this morning? DOH! I find it to be beautiful, but quite possibly one of the more controversial songs in my library. Baby steps…